she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
