Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
