Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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