addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
