whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
