Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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