just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
