the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
