i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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