I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You ruined the universe
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize