I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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