Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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