So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
