He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize