If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
