so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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