you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
