the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and she was petting her beer can
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
