Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
