Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
