so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
