he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
