u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
