You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My vagina is officially offended.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
