I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
jump out the window naked night went bad
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
