I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
