Umm I'm too high to move.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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