As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
