An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
