I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
