the day after is always just damage control
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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