Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
