I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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