I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
