The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
