I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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