Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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