I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
