He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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