make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
