im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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