Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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