I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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