So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
