with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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