You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
