I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
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He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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