Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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