I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
