You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
