I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
ttyl tear gas
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
