hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i've created a new STD.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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