I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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