Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
