I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
