I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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