My friends, they love my intelligence
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
