just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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