This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
