wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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