I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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