She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize