So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
