don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
