This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
