i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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