Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
