i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
