I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in your delicious
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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