You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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