The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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