can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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