I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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