White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
