I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
